


Every Little Thing, Breaking and Falling

by earthlyruins



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Mental Breakdown, POV Suki (Avatar), SO, They love each other, also everyone in this is aged up slightly, i'm too lazy to go through my fic again to check, maybe three years after the war?, she's also vv lonely and upset, suki has ptsd and all of the memories are just hitting her now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27335953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthlyruins/pseuds/earthlyruins
Summary: Suki exhales shakily while crossing her arms and lifting her legs to hold them close to her.  The sun has almost set completely now.  There is no campfire to combat the cold or the loneliness, no laughter to lift her sorrow.  There is no one to wrap their arms around her and whisper sweet things that’ll make her warm and soft.  There is no care for her tonight.  And she cannot bring herself to care for herself in place of that.---Suki struggles with the trauma beginning to affect her so suddenly from after the war.  She's been forcing it down and pushing past her limits so she doesn't have to confront it.  But then a familiar face comes into her life once more, and she suddenly cannot push it down any longer.
Relationships: Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	Every Little Thing, Breaking and Falling

**Author's Note:**

> hiya! hope you enjoy this fic <3 this is for sukkanet on tumblr, but for also for everyone who enjoys these two together! kudos/comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> \- also a quick shout-out to sunny @beepboopbitch on tumblr for betaing!!! thank u so much; this fic wouldn't be what it is without you.

Twilight is falling; the sun sinking behind the clouds and water, and the wind picking up just a little. Fireflies blink in and out and the birdsong finally quiets to a low hum as the crickets take over the melody. Waves lap at Suki’s feet as she sits on the broken boat dock, and she sighs along with each push and pull.

Her eyes flicker to where the sun has almost become invisible underneath the sea. She can’t look for long, but the colors - pink, orange, blue, yellow - stick to her until it’s the only thing she can see.

It’s comforting, but… it’s also upsetting to her. Her emotions sink and then rise, just as the waves will crescendo before falling. She is the ocean, the ocean is her. She is kind, she is loving, she is dangerous, and she is… inevitably sad. The trauma from the war finally is catching up to her, the pain of everything she’s lost gripping her like a vice. She yearns for the people she loves and cares for, and yet she cannot bear to go see them. Not like this. Not when she’s feeling such a way.

Suki exhales shakily while crossing her arms and lifting her legs to hold them close to her. The sun has almost set completely now. There is no campfire to combat the cold or the loneliness, no laughter to lift her sorrow. There is no one to wrap their arms around her and whisper sweet things that’ll make her warm and soft. There is no care for her tonight. And she cannot bring herself to care for herself in place of that.

But, a moment later there is the sound of the breaking of sticks, and a quiet curse.

Suki looks up so fast, her neck cracks at the movement. She winces slightly.  _ How long was she sitting in that position with her head down?  _

Her eyes meet the other’s as they come into the light. Sokka chuckles quietly, his hand moving to the back of his neck. “I was going to…” he trails off for a moment, a faint blush on his cheeks. “I was going to, uh, sneak up on you? I guess? Not to scare you, but to comfort you, if that makes sense. You looked sad, and I didn’t think a big shout would make you very happy, heh.” He shoots a glare at the broken stick behind him. “Too bad I stepped---” 

He doesn’t finish because Suki is running as fast as her legs will carry her, and Sokka is already past his stupor and running towards her as well, leaping that final distance. He collides into her, but she holds him steady. He laughs quietly, bringing her head to his own, and a sense of deja vu over takes her.

“Suki,” he breathes. “I cannot even  _ begin _ to tell you how much I’ve missed you.”

Something snaps at his quiet, casual admission, and suddenly, she can't take it anymore.

Suki cries. She sniffles and she sobs, clutching Sokka like her lifeline. She's missed this comfort, her friends, the love that everyone gives her so carelessly as if she deserves any of it. She’s missed this so much. And she makes sure to tell him every time she says his name.

Sokka holds her, even when she sinks to her knees and even when she feels as if she cannot breathe. Everything begins to rush back to her. Everything. 

_ Sokka clutches his stomach as he laughs, the noise rushing out of him as fast as he lets out the quick breath. Suki was laughing along with him before, but now she can only stare. The way his eyebrows furrow when he doubles over, the way his brown eyes sparkle when he squints them open, and the way his loud, childish laugh turns into quiet giggles. She cannot help but to stare at the beauty that is  _ Sokka.

_ And in that moment, she realizes she loves him. _

Everything. 

_ Katara and Aang are cuddling in the moonlight as they point out different constellations, whispering so they don’t wake the others. Suki watches silently, tired yet curious at their childish wonder. She knows most of the constellations they’re finding, but she still enjoys the way Aang bursts into exclamations when Katara points out one he’s never seen before. She is fascinated by the way they still manage to laugh and giggle, even when Toph kicks out a pebble to hit them with. _

_ Still they were children. Still they acted like children. How? She wonders. How do they do that? It’s a question that revolves in her mind over and over until she has to force it away. It’s too late in the night for dark thoughts such as these. She doesn’t need them. So she sighs softly and lets her mind go elsewhere. _

_ It goes to the boy next to her. Sokka snoozes next to her, and Suki turns to watch the slow rise and fall of his chest. He’s peaceful, to say the least. _

_ She feels a sharp pang of envy in her chest and forces herself to look away. _

**_Everything_ ** _. _

_ Sokka presses a soft kiss to her cheek as if he was trying to wash away every bad memory that she had ever had. As if he was trying to erase every bad experience she ever had. It’s overwhelming how strong the emotion behind the kiss is, even with how soft it feels. She feels it in her bones, his love, and she cannot bring herself to tell him she feels the same way. How could she, anyway? Suki was never good with words. She knew actions. But Sokka was already turning away, putting his wolf helmet on, and casting her a sorrowful glance before she could return the affection. _

_ “I’ll see you on the other side, Suki,” he says quietly.  _

_ It feels, strangely, like a goodbye. _

Every single goddamn thing.

“Spirits, Suki,” he whispers. “How long have you held onto this?” 

She can’t bear to tell him. How it’s been months of her shoving the trauma in the back of her mind, the loneliness being avoided by avid training and stupid missions, the pain she’s put herself through because any physical pain is better than the pain surrounding her entire being.

She can’t tell him; if she does, she’ll do the one thing she promised herself she wouldn’t  _ ever _ do in front of another: break.

Well… he was breaking down in front of the person she loves, so maybe she wasn’t too far off from it. She was cracked, cracking still, but she was yet to be broken. She wouldn’t break. She wouldn’t.

_ Breaking is not necessarily a bad thing _ , a voice murmurs then, a voice sounding suspiciously like Aang.  _ Sometimes breaking is something you need to do in order to heal. _

Suki lets out another shaky sob, and she buries her face into the crook of Sokka’s neck. He rubs her back soothingly, his voice already smoothing over the overwhelmingness of all that’s around her. She doesn’t know what he’s saying, but she appreciates it all the same.

It takes what feels like hours for her to calm down. Her shaking and crying, him staying steady and holding her as she finally lets the things she’s held onto go. The sun has fallen completely, and the night has begun, stars and moon shining brightly, as if they themselves were trying to comfort Suki as well.

Eventually, though, she is able to breathe normally.

“Months,” she says at last, her voice cracking and barely audible. “Months… months… months…” She can’t stop repeating it.

He doesn’t ask her why. He was a child soldier as well, fighting in a war that he shouldn’t have; fighting in a war meant for adults, not children. He knows, perhaps better than any other. So instead he hums and presses her close, waiting and ready to listen to whatever she needs or wants to say. The rumble of his chest manages to soothe her further.

“I… I didn’t want to burden you all,” she mumbles. “Katara and Aang are finally healing together and healing other countries, Zuko healing his nation, Azula, and himself, you… you helping your tribe rebuild and healing. All of you. Healing. I didn’t want to burden you with my own problems.” She doesn’t look at him, she can’t. “You’re all healing by yourselves, and I can’t. 

“I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to be able to get through this, and yet… here I am. Depressed and traumatized and yearning, but held back by anxiety.” The tears prick back at her eyes, and she shakes when she tries to hold them back. Suki breathes in another gulp of air shakily. “I’m not what everyone expects of me, Sokka.” 

At that, however, he lets out an incredulous laugh. “Suki,” he says, “We don’t expect  _ anything _ from you. Except for like, not being a dick, but that mostly applies to Zuko. You’re the kindest, strongest person I know, and kind, strong people are the people allowed to cry or be depressed the most. You have worked the hardest because no matter what, you are up and ready even with the weight of the world on your shoulders. You and Aang are a lot alike, now that I think of it.” 

He pauses for a moment before smiling down softly. “You comfort and you fight, you laugh and you glare, you stick up for people and you create your own spaces. Through  _ everything _ we’ve been through, you have been there in your own way. Just because you need help, or need another person, doesn’t make you any less of yourself - which is  _ Suki _ . It is not a flaw, it is not anything to be ashamed of. It is something some people need, and that is so  _ freaking _ valid!” He cups her face and knocks his forehead against hers, similar to what he did earlier. She glances at him almost shyly, and gasps because he looks as if he held the entire universe as he cups her face. So full of love… So full of acceptance and understanding. His brown eyes shine in the moonlight, and Suki feels so much. She doesn’t know just what she’s feeling, but she feels so much of it that she can do nothing but stare open-mouthed. So she looks down, hopefully to regain her breath and maybe some of her composure.

She doesn’t get to, not fully, because Sokka continues, “Honestly, I don’t think any of us would’ve healed if not for others. Aang and Katara are healing together and with their cultures, Zuko is healing with his sister and his country and his friends, I am healing with my tribe and culture and with  _ you _ . And you know what, we’re all  _ still _ healing. You aren’t late to anything, because we’re all  _ still moving forward _ .”

And.

She finally looks up again.

And sees.

Her friend, her love, her partner. Her anchor. Her reassurance. Just as she is his, he is hers.

“Thank you,” she says, because that is all she can say. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Her voice breaks near the end, and she has to take a deep breath to keep from crying again. Sokka kisses her forehead, a grounding kiss, one that fills her with warmth. 

Suki feels… not okay, but better. She probably won’t feel “okay” for a while, but… she feels better than she has in a long time. She relaxes with Sokka’s touch until, eventually, she’s melting into it. Melting to a point where she feels like she can finally let go of this grip to stay awake and on guard at all times. She begins to drift into a stage between awakeness and sleep, barely aware that Sokka has carefully lifted her up and began to carry her home.

It’s hours later when she wakes up in her own bed, swaddled with blankets, with a sleeping Sokka in the chair next to her, his hair wild from where the wind had gotten to it. He peeks open one eye at the sound of her stirring. He looks… exhausted, to say the least. She smiles. He’s never been an early riser.

“Hgnh what… Why’re you looking at me like that…?” He yawns. “Smthing on my face…?”

And for the first time in a long time, Suki genuinely grins and dissolves into giggles.

\---

“And Anjij finally had her baby!” Sokka exclaims. “She hasn’t named him yet, but oh my  _ Spirits _ , Suki, he’s absolutely adorable. Everyone already loves him, but lemme tell you something, their love is not  _ nearly _ as much as  _ my  _ love for him.” He laughs, the sound echoing off of the thin walls. Suki smiles softly along with him.

“Oh really,” she says. “More than a mother loves her child? I can’t  _ wait  _ to see it.”

Sokka sputters indignantly. “ _ Look _ -”

But Suki is already laughing so hard her ribcage hurts because of the look on his face. _ Spirits is it good to be home _ . “When will the others be here?” She finally asks. It’s a question that’s been on her mind for a while, and as much as she loves Sokka, she really wants to see her other friends as well. Even if it’s tiring. Even if she’s almost too tired to even stand it.

He doesn’t look bothered by the sudden change in subject. “A couple days. Appa needs some time to rest every stop. He’s getting  _ fat _ , I tell you! Aang refuses to believe me, but we all know it.” 

She snorts. “He was always fat---wonderfully fat. Best hugs in the universe.” Sokka frowns dramatically, and Suki corrects, “ _ Second _ best hugs in the universe. Nothing tops your hugs. Nothing in the entire world.” He brightens again, brown eyes twinkling, and he goes towards her. She huffs with no bite and practically melts when his arms wrap around her.

She still feels that lingering and bitter sadness, those sharp prods at the back of her mind, but everything seems to ease for just a moment when Sokka presses a soft kiss to her lips.

Suki isn’t good. She isn’t happy, she’s isn’t as bright, she isn’t a child any longer. But she is healing. She is slowly working herself towards the better. The days where she is too sad to stand, Sokka is by her side, and the days where she is unusually bright and energetic, he is there too. She is there for him when he breaks, and when she shatters, he helps her pick up the pieces one by one until it is stronger than before.

And each night, they’ll sit and reminisce. About the good, about the bad, but never about what they wished they could’ve done.  _ Don’t regret what you have not done _ , someone had told them once, someone long ago and from a time where they forgot their name,  _ for you will always have time to do it once, twice, again and again. Through yourself, through the birds and the bees, through your children and grandchildren. Don’t regret what you have not done. Instead, enjoy what you have done and what you will continue to do. _

She tries to live by those words. It’s not easy, but she tries.

Sometimes the days are worse than others, other times they aren’t. But she survives. She survives until she is no longer surviving, instead  _ living _ . Suki doesn’t know when the change starts. Maybe when she began seeing a therapist, maybe when she finally let go of all of the sadness and guilt she was holding onto because it was familiar. Maybe it was a lot of things, and she will probably never know.

But that’s okay, because Sokka is with her through all of it; her best friend, her partner, her love. He stays by her and refuses to let her go, even when she loses her head. And Suki could never be more grateful than she is.

_ I love you _ , she had whispered to him one day.

_ I know,  _ he had replied with a soft smile.  _ I love you too. I’ve loved you for years and years beyond, and I will continue loving you even as the sun explodes and the stars fall. There are some things that burn bright and extinguish quickly, but I don’t think I’ll ever extinguish too quickly. Not with you by my side.  _

Suki had wrapped him in a hug so tight she squeezed the breath out of his lungs. He had smiled at her, holding her close.

_ My bright stargirl, you’ll always be with me. You’ll survive, we all will. You know why? Because we’re strong and caring and loving and fucking  _ awesome.  _ That’s why. I don’t care what your mind tells you because I’m never letting you go, none of us will. You’re just as important as anyone else here. We love you, Suki. So much. Never forget that. _

And now, with his hand wrapped in hers, she knows it true. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! kudos/comments are greatly appreciated!


End file.
